Goodbye 2010

Well, 2010 is coming to a close. Rather than the typical New Year's Eve party, I decided to stay home and celebrate with my Madre! (We throw a killer two-man party. ) This year has been one to remember. It's been the biggest turning point in my entire life. As much as I'm sad it's coming to an end, I'm more than happy to start a NEW year. 2011, here I come!

My 2010 memory wall.

Imagination

Intro to the story...

The innocence of childhood is a beautiful thing. It’s the harmful nature of growing up that destroys that innocence, and shatters that beauty. It’s something I’d give anything to get back. A child can dwell and believe in their imagination, when the reality they live in fails them. We were all once children, therefore we were all once innocent. Born with the ability to close our eyes and dream. But at one point of walking through life, we forgot how to enter our worlds of imagination. It’s almost like we lost the key, and didn’t bother to find it. It’s evident that the poison of growing up, steals that gift we were given. Not only is that door now locked, but it doesn’t exist. Have you ever tried to go back to the days of fantasy and dreaming? I guarantee you can’t see it the same way. It’s because your mind has been filled with what the world has placed in it over time. Your imagination is a dusty book on the shelf of your conscience. And even if you opened it, it’s just a story now. None of it feels the same. It’s a shame that our worlds had to disappear with age. 

Now and Then

Some things will never change. No matter how much time passes by, there are certain bonds that will consistently forever stay the same, and only grow with the years. I had a pleasant surprise visit me this last few days, my cousin and other half, Rachelle. Since we were babies we have been tight as can be. Possibly the only friend I've kept from childhood. There was only three girl cousins in the family, and the rest were all boys. Jenn was a lot older than us, so it was me and Rachelle that were super close. We played everything together, took baths together, had hundreds of sleep-overs, played dress-up, laughed together, annoyed the boys together, we just did everything together. In time, we started to no longer dress the same, and get the signature haircuts. Our true identities, and inner beings started to reveal themselves as we experienced life in our own ways. We were becoming our own person. Although we were apart, we still kept each other close to our hearts. I hadn't spent time with her in ages. This last weekend was very special to me. Both of us our encountering the peaks of our adolescence, and facing reality and the struggles that come with it. 

For the first time ever, me and Rachelle cried together. Although we've built so many cherishable memories, it was there on the floor, holding each other tightly, that out shines all the rest. It doesn't matter what or who we've become, to each other we are still that little girl we used to play house with. I looked in her eyes and re-lived my childhood. I got to feel a part of me that I thought was lost with the new that replaced it. It was still there, dusty but alive, deep in my memory where I had left it. My innocence may not exist in it's once vibrant colors, but the ever glowing memory shines in my heart, where I will keep it forever. The memories we make will last forever, the good, or the bad. We still played dress-up, we still had slumber parties, we still annoyed the boys, we still laughed together, but this time, we remembered together. After all, there's a kid in all of us. 

Communication Deprivation

Okay, so in honor of school and all school related things, I de-activated my Facebook for approximately four days. I wanted to focus on my studies, and have no distractions. It worked. I wasn't too heart-broken to get rid of it, but it was pretty sad when my automatic response to getting on a computer was going on Facebook. How I see it is, there once was a time when phones didn't even exist, and people survived. Now we have phones, texting, emails, cell phones, Facebook, Twitter, instant messagers, fax, paging, etc. As much as all those are handy, convenient and come to great use, they also destroy valuable time. "You should read books more, and draw more," said my mother, and she's right! My New Years resolution is to spend less time presenting my life through cyberspace, and actually living it! It was funny to see how many calls I got the past few days, it's like I died or something just because I'm not on Facebook. There's nothing wrong with social networking, when it has it's limits. The lovely Lisa Fillmore explains the Facebook theory in this post, "Facebook or No Facebook, this is the question."She's got it down like funky town. So, we use it for good things like encouraging and connecting. But anytime ANYTHING becomes an idol, well it must be limited or cut off. Facebook, we will re-unite tomorrow. Christmas break is finally here! Wishing everybody a safe and happy holiday!


But those who trust in idols, who say to images, "You are our gods," will be turned back in utter shame. 
Isaiah 42:17

Leap of Faith

Life changes instantly. It gets so frustrating when you think you have it all figured out, and your plan is set to go, and then you get a lovely reminder that you have no control. I watch people's lives that I know change instantaneously, some gradually, and watch as mine does too. Growing up there's the changes we don't even realize, the beauty of aging. Then there's the BAM moments, when life throws the most random thing into your life. I sometimes despise those sudden changes. What's even more frustrating, but also soothing, is God knows what He's doing when He allows situations, and you to go through things. Because as soon as we become 'content' with our life, He has to remind us, that 'contentment' is not what this life is about. 
We can't find comfort in worldly things, because life is always changing. He's the only one that stays the same. I really am not one to like change, or trying new things. But I have to learn to do so, because with this life, it's expected. I know that people will come and go, and things that matter now, might not matter in the years to come. I know that I'll be forgotten, and I'll forget. I know that the only thing that will stay with me, is Christ. If I want to be apart of His plan, I have to put aside my expectations in life, and what I want. I have to learn to not be selfish, and really trust that He has a better plan than mine. It's so easy to say, but the hard part is applying that. Well, that's my spiel on that. Take a leap of faith, and trust Him, and shut that voice up in your head with all the doubt. (Applying medicine to myself) Here we go, life of faith, here I come. 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 

"Humanity will fail you, Jesus won't. Humanity will forget you, Jesus won't. Humanity will leave you, Jesus won't. Humanity won't forgive you, Jesus will. Humanity won't love you, Jesus will. Humanity wouldn't die for you, but Jesus did."-Steven Khoshaba 


"There is nothing--no circumstance, no trouble, no testing--that can ever touch me until, first of all, it has gone past God and past Christ right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a great purpose, which I may not understand at the moment. But as I refuse to become panicky, as I lift up my eyes to Him and accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart, no sorrow will ever disturb me, no circumstance will cause me to fret, for I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord is--that is the rest of victory!"-Alan Redpath 

Beautiful? Yes, you are.

How much love can one person take, till they can't take anymore? I guess, never enough. I'm overwhelmed with how much I've been blessed. I once felt like my heart was in pieces, all over the place, and I would never get it all back. I, just like anyone else, doubt myself, and what I'm worth, and how much I can really do. Truth is, I can't do much. That's why I need Christ with me, because together great things can be done. He gives me the strength to get up every morning. He gives me the hope that everything will be okay. Unlike people, He's stayed faithful to me, and has already worked miracles in my life. NEVER GIVE UP! Just because you may feel like you're not the smartest kid, or the best looking, or the richest, that's all bologna. You can do anything my friend. If you ever feel alone, unloved, or like "you're not enough" I assure you that's not true. We can all do great things. All you have to do is believe. This love I receive, I don't feel like I deserve. But because I have been granted such an amazing treasure, I want to share it with the world. Go out of your way, and remind someone how important they are. Everyone needs encouragement. When is the last time you told your mother how much she means to you? Tell a friend you love them. If you see someone down, or complaining, try to cheer them up! You'd be surprised how much joy you'll get in return. You can save lives by just a single smile. You don't have to go to the other side of the world to change it,  just go outside of your front door. It's the little things, that make a big difference. Remember, you're beautiful, you're amazing, and you can do ANYTHING! 
♥

My December

The snow is breathtaking. Sure it causes havoc, is messy and is annoying to drive in, but it sure is beautiful.  This year we're not going all out for Christmas. I've kind of gotten tired of the whole candied version of Christmas our nation demonstrates each year. Kids grow up thinking it's all about presents, and Santa Claus, and these shallow lies. It's the birthday of the Son of God, and we celebrate by buying ourselves gifts?  That's a little funky. There is nothing wrong with giving to your loved one's, and just embracing each others presence on such a day. But when the main focus becomes greediness, selfishness and cheating to get what we want, that's just not right. I want to step back and look at it for what it really is. It's a celebration, and I will celebrate. Not with buying myself tons of presents, and signing about deer and Santa; instead I will praise my Father in Heaven for all He's done for me. As I stare at the crystals falling from the sky, and see them peacefully rest on the ground, I think of how God picked where that exact snowflake would fall. Just like He picked where I am today. Each season has it's own authentic beauty. I want to appreciate everything for what it is. The nightmare is over, I've woken up to safety. Now, it's time to celebrate, and I have a lot to celebrate.

Devo

Hello friends. This post is going to be a little different. I thought instead of writing what I think and feel, I'm going to share something I read today, that I think is worth sharing. It's from a daily devotional called "Jesus Calling," by Sarah Young. It's all taken from scripture, and broken down into a few paragraphs of Christ talking to us, in the most relevant way. I especially loved this one, because we often do try to control our lives, and always want to "feel safe." The only security comes from Him. Well here it is...
December 10
MAKE ME THE FOCAL POINT of your search for security. In your private thoughts, you are still trying to order your world so that it is predictable and feels safe. Not only is this an impossible goal, but it is also counterproductive to spiritual growth. When your private world feels unsteady and you grip My hand for support, you are living in conscious dependence of Me.
Instead of yearning for a problem-free life, rejoice that trouble can highlight your awareness of My presence. In the darkness of adversity, you are able to see more clearly the radiance of My Face. Accept the value of problems in this life, considering them pure joy. Remember that you have an eternity of trouble-free living awaiting you in heaven.
Isaiah 41:10; Psalm 139:10; James 1:2

The Serenity Prayer

My recent blog entries have been somewhat dark and sad, so I thought I'd brighten the mood, and write about the good going on. So much has gone on in my heart and mind, that I haven't even been able to keep up with the changes occurring inside me. I'm growing faster than I can comprehend, and God is teaching me so much. The biggest lesson I'm facing is learning to take things slowly. I usually want to understand everything, and fast forward to when I am "grown up." I'm learning that it's time that brings wisdom, it's experiences that bring understanding, and it's Christ that brings healing. The "Serenity Prayer," is something I love to recite, because it is so true. We have to learn to accept what we can't change, and be willing to change what we can. If I were to look back a year ago, I would have never thought that this is where I'd be. This wasn't my plan, it was His. His plan is turning out to be the greatest thing I could ever imagine, and I'm so thankful to be apart of it. My dreams, my outlooks, my life circumstances may change, but the consistency of His faithfulness and love is always the same. I've maintained, and hope to someday master the ability to be aware of His presence in my heart, all day, every day. He gives peace. Something I long for all the time. He's blessed me with people I hold so closely to my heart. I've been trampled on, used, hurt and betrayed by people I once trusted dearly. I allowed myself to be hurt, and He watched and waited for me to come to Him. He showed me what real friendship, and championship is. I used to think that the only way to guard my heart was to block everyone out. But I know that's not true anymore. I used to think that I wasn't normal for feeling empty and confused all the time. But I learned that I was built that way, so that I would go to Christ for the answers, rather than what my instincts tell me to do. I've learned not to judge one by their outward appearance, or what they tell the world they are, and look deep into their hearts. I've learned that purity not only is of the flesh, but in the heart as well. I've learned that He does love me, when I thought it was impossible to be loved. No wonder Solomon was so honored by God, for all He wanted was wisdom. I'm learning that wisdom truly is a great treasure, when it's given by Christ himself. I really am a new person. All thanks to my Father.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.