Role Models

This imperfect, messed up, uncertain world, can really stress a person out. It's always hard to see people you love hurting, or going down a wrong path. I used to really look up to a lot of people. But in time, life brought with it some shocking realities, and left me very disappointed. But I guess that's just what comes with being human. The only thing, or person I can really look up to as a role model is Jesus himself. I've been told that I'm somewhat of a role model, and am looked up to be some. But honestly, I'm so imperfect, and I mess up so much. I wouldn't want someone to completely trust that I can be set on such high standards. I'm only human. I want to believe that I can be as good as Jesus was, but I know I can't. And just like that, I can't trust in others to be my guidance. They can help, but shouldn't be my only source of learning.


For the LORD gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice, and He preserves the way of His godly ones. Then you will discern righteousness and justice and equity and every good course.
Proverbs 2:6-9
You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
Psalm 73:24
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach.
James 1:5

Never Cease to Exist

I consider myself somewhat of a deep person. Even though I can be a silly, fun-loving girl, I get really serious at times. I think  I just see things really differently. I'm very observant, and find every opportunity to make moments last forever. I always write. Always. If you really wanted to unlock my mind, and understand me, you'd have to read my journal. But even then, I don't think you'd really be able to see how I see things. My journal holds many of my inner thoughts, and ambitions. My dreams, hopes, struggles and my messages to the world. I feel as though God speaks through me at times. My mind has yet to completely develop, and much knowledge to soak in, but  some things come easy for me to understand. Some difficult. I get so much joy from being able to be used by God to deliver peace to peoples hearts, when they need ears to listen or a sign of guidance. Once again, no glory goes to my name. All to the creator. If I were to die today, I'd tell you to go to my journal, and the mission starts from there. Even when I'm gone, I want to be used by my Savior as a messenger. They all want the great news, they need it. Nothing can hold me back from giving it to them. For now, I have one soul in particular that God has called me to bring forth the good news. He has all the answers. I'm just a messenger. I'm a dreamer. I'm a life seeker. My faith is what keeps me alive, and going. I find no reason to live, besides the fact that I have to live, to have lived, to learn, to love, to someday really live, where I really belong. This is my temporary home, but I've made my reservations in the kingdom to come. But we must not live good, to receive rewards from our Father, but live good simply because living good is a lost cause in society. It will continue to be a forgotten way of living. We can't let this world kill all the good, and beautiful things in humanity. We must be strong, and fight like warriors. I was saved by Grace, in my Father's Garden. 

Remember the mission, not what was lost along the way. 

Chapter 2: Letters to God 

Appreciating The Arts

Seabear

I've always loved art, but never really realized how many different forms of art there is. I'm starting to really open my eyes more often, to see what art catches my attention. 
Music is one of my favorites. I can't just pick one genre. From Indie, to rock, to alternative, to screamo, my ears will enjoy almost any rythmically moving music. My most recent favorite is Seabear, an indie-folk band from Iceland. They are awesome! Really chill music. I've always adored the way music can tell a story, and find words we sometimes can't. I prefer stuff that forces imagination, and helps escape this dreary world at times. I stay away from as much love music as I can. It's usually really depressing. TheVisual Arts are always a treat. Any form of art requires ideas, and usually talent. I wish I could play a guitar, or the piano, but that's just not what my good God decided to make me good at. Instead, all you need to do is give me a pencil and paper, and I'll pour my heart out on it. I love remaking what I see, in a 2D image.
 I also have friends who are really talented, and I always love seeing what they make. It's nice to surround yourself with people who have big imaginations, and don't let their creativity die. Another favorite is Writing. I love to write, and I could do it for hours and hours (just like I can talk for hours). I usually write to just express what I'm feeling or thinking, and it really helps when I just want to vent. I'd love to write a book someday. Something I usually do is, "Letters to God." It's my way of praying to God. I have a hard time grabbing all my thoughts, and concentrating. It's a really good way to have a relationship with him, and really feel like he's more than just a far away ruler, but a a best friend who lay close to your heart. Wherever you find art, make sure to take the time to appreciate it, and enjoy it. 

It's a Learning Process

Knowledge never ceases to enter your life, bringing with it some moving lessons. I'm reading a book called "Adolescence Isn't Terminal" by Kevin Leman. So far, it's actually really interesting. It's written for parents to understand their growing teenager, but I thought why not see what a professional has to say. We always feel like it's the end of the world, when the smallest thing doesn't go our way. I used to anticipate the day I'd "grow up" and no longer feel like I have so much to learn. I used to want to press forward in time, and just grow up. But I realized, these are the moments and times I'll wish I could re-live, and always remember. I'm living now, so why not make the best of it? 

I don't know if I'll live to grow older than the seconds to come. God put me on this earth for a reason, I have a purpose. If I can do the best I can for him, I should be doing it at all times. Even if that means when I'm a hormonal teenage girl. Honestly, these days you don't see many fired up teenagers about sharing the gospel, and living COMPLETELY for Christ. Too much of their hearts belong to the world, and their earthly desires. I would know, for the longest time I lived just like the majority. Only looking out for my benefits, and what I wanted. But sometimes when we get what we want, and not what we need, we're left confused and empty. I watched myself disintegrate and let myself become a complete stranger. The moment you lose who you are, and what you believe and live for, the possibilities of danger are endless. But I have a Savior who loves me to protect me from the world, and guard my heart. I redefined myself, and what I wanted to do with my life. I'm learning by the bundles, and always am amazed at how God reveals his majestic ways each and every day. It's much more rewarding and fulfilling living for cause, and seeking truth, in all aspects of your life. I want to be a light to those who are stumbling in the darkness. I want to show them what I have. I want to share this amazing gift I've been given. I want them to see, Him through me. That's my purpose. To love, like he loved, and live like he lived. It's like I always say, I will always follow the light as long as my heart beats. I have no idea how God will use me in the world, but I know my calling is for girls just like me, and people who have lost hope. Jesus can give them the hope, they never found in humanity. If I can be a tool for God, and let him cleanse my soul, in order for me to lead and direct, then so be it. I will do whatever needs to be done to follow the path my Father lay before me. It's much greater than any scenario I can make up. "You want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans." 


"Humanity will fail you, Jesus won't. Humanity will forget you, Jesus won't. Humanity will leave you, Jesus won't. Humanity won't forgive you, Jesus will. Humanity won't love you, Jesus will. Humanity wouldn't die for you, but Jesus did." Steven Khoshaba

More Than Just a Dream

Recently, a dream has been born. It was born out of a bunch of smaller dreams, and now has become one big dream. Some people have always known what they want to do, from the moment they were born. Some people found out instantaneously, with sudden events in their lives. With me, it was gradual. I've always loved art more than anything. They say God has gifted me in so many ways, when it comes to me a paper and a pencil. But as much as I've always heard, "Stephanie, you are going to be an artist!" I wondered what that really meant. I grew with the misconception, that art is merely paint, canvases, and sketch books. But as time passed, and I grew closer to knowledge, I found art is in almost every aspect of human existence. With music, writing, food and  visual arts, the possibilities are endless. So I found, it's not what the object or idea is, it's the feeling you get when indulging in it. Something that can make your emotions rise to a peek you never knew existed. Something that makes you want to change the world, or simple laugh and cry. That is art. And well, I humbly hold my talents close to my heart, and am willing to follow through with the promise to use them for God's will, and do what I can to make a difference. Since I was six years old, I would take my dad's camera and make my own silly movies, and write my own stories. If you entered into my mind, you would see a constant movie playing. In modern years, technology has taken over the world. If I want to be heard, or seen, and share what my Savior sent us out to share, I have to find the most effective way to do so. I love films, and documentaries, and capturing time through a lens, and being able to watch it over and over. It's the closest you'll ever get to reliving a memory. Apart from it being a beautiful gift, it also is very efficient to spread news, and intrigue an audience to listen what you have to say.
I'm working on a project this year, to capture the essence of adolescence. To give the youth a voice. It's called, "More Than Just a Kid." I will do the best I can with what I can, now. I shouldn't have to wait till I am 20, 30, 40 to start living for my savior. I can make a difference now. After all, who knows if I'll even be alive then. But even though I am living for today, I still have long run dreams. I want to someday pursue filming, and go to school for documentary filmmaking. I want to make movies, and make the world see what God can do, and that there is good in the world, and there is hope. I want to reach people all over. Yea, it's a dream. I like to consider myself sleepwalking, to carry on the dream, and God is my guide through the dark world, leading me to where he wants me to be. I recently discovered a school called, "The New York Film Academy," in New York, New York. It's an outstanding school, that specializes in filmmaking, and gives intensive studies for those passionate about that field. I still have a few years till college is in my view, and money is always an issue, but I'm not losing sight of this dream. I will work hard, enjoy my life now, and do what I can for the Kingdom today, and who knows, maybe someday that dream will actually come true. It doesn't matter where you are from, how much money is in your pocket, or what rules you live by; You always have the right to dream.

I Woke Up To 16,000 Hungry Children

This morning I woke up to 16,000 hungry children, as I poured myself a bowl of cereal. I almost tripped over the 25,000 dead bodies in my kitchen, because they starved or something. When I finally made it through that mess, I walked outside to 200 million homeless people. I made it through the crowds of crying children, and finally got to my car. As I got on the freeway, there was traffic. I looked to see what for. Turned out 42 people died from drunk driving today. I was never going to make it to work on time. I turned on the radio to cheer me up, but all the 340 million people suffering from depression really didn't help the mood. So I thought I should just text my coworker that I'd be late. To add to the annoying traffic, 700 people more died from texting while driving, but I handled it just fine. As I finally pulled into the parking lot, I saw my husband flirting with my boss, while they had dinner with one million divorced couples. I thought my day couldn't get any worse, until I went to go get a drink of water. I went to the water fountain, and there was a line of 400 million people. I walked to the front to find a "out of order" sign, which meant no water for them. Suckers, I just pulled out a bottle of Fiji and drank. My day didn't get any better. The only thing on my mind was how I was going to get back at my husband. I went home, found the hungry children dead in my kitchen, walked over them and grabbed some leftovers. The perfect way, to end a horrible day. I seriously have the worst life in the world. And tomorrow, it'll only get worse.  

 

Now, if you think that was messed up, if you think it doesn't make any sense, if you say "how are people letting that happen?" Newsflash, you're the one letting it happen. This is just an illustration I made to show how junked up the world works. We can't save them all alone. We need to combine hands. Feed all those mouths. After all, there are double the amount of hands that there are mouths in the world. Imagine if we all linked hands, we could fix this world, one child, on heart, one soul at a time. In America, we are tremendously blessed, and we don't even realize it. The most we complain about is working "hard," drama, and our social lives. And while we're too busy arguing who should of won the Biggest Loser, millions are dying from lack or food, shelter and water. You could say that's horrible, feel bad, frown, donate a couple bucks. But in an hour, you'll have read this, and moved on to the next thing. Your mind will shift gears instantly. As humans we're naturally selfish, greedy, pathetic beings, that dominate the world, fighting for power and wealth. We also have the ability, creativity, strength and sources to change the entire world. Wake up America, the world is dying, and you're too busy seeing which celebrity hooked up with Taylor Lautner this week. We can do this. It only takes one light, to make a whole room brighter. 

Heroic Rescue

They will stomp on you. Eat you up, and throw you out. They will humiliate you, scold you, tear you apart. They will destroy your dignity, rip out your heart watch it bleed, and continue. They will feel no remorse when you lay on the ground in tears. They will corrupt your name, and use you until you have nothing but agony left. Who are they? They are them. So witty, so crafty, so wicked, so destructive. They fear no death, and never sleep. They study our minds, and watch our every move. They are skilled, accompanied by one another, forming a deadly alliance. They come and go like seconds in minutes. Forming their plots to make one tragedy. To think, they are so horrid, yet they appear beautiful. With diligent attempts to win you over. They come like butterflies, welcoming and serene. They give affection and show their appreciation. But don't be fooled by their twisted ways, they are only out to get you. To watch you fall. To kill you. In the night, they are thieves of our very souls, of our innocence, and our delicate hearts. When stepping into their domain, you are trapped in a web with despair. Escape, run, before it's too late. Before your soul is sold, to a destructive fate. Be wise, be strong, hold onto His arm. He saves all who cry out. He protects his loved one's fromthem. He glides through the air, and breaks through the door. With resilience to their power, he shoves them afar. In his heroic rescue, he sweeps you away. And you ask what you've done to deserve such a contingency. Out of love for a child, you have been redeemed, the debt has been payed when he died for your faults. Someday when we're home, we can say face to face, how thankful we are, but for now we must pray. He is our hero. Amen. 

Inspired by Psalms.