-noun
1. the transitional period between puberty and adulthood in human development.
2. the process or state of growing to maturity.
3. a period or stage of development, as of a society, preceding maturity
I was once told that adolescence is the most beautiful period of life, and honestly I agree with that statement so far. I've experienced an array of key moments that have transformed and developed me into who I'm becoming today.
Let's start with the basics:
high school...
With all of it's perks and downsides; it sure is an important part of a complete adolescence. Surely enough,
it's the first word that comes to mind when I think of adolescence. I'm talking about the actual "high school" experience. I went to public school all of my life, up to my Junior year. I didn't mind going to a public school, after all it's the only thing I knew. Place yourself in a building of about 3,000 people. You get a variety of different and unique characters. Each one in the midst of their search for who they are. Everyone's at different stages. Some hit puberty as quick as you can say "hormones!" While others miss that ship the first time it comes around. Regardless, it can be an awkward stage. Ahh Freshman year, that sure was a year to remember; braces and all. I can still recall my first day of high school. A friend and I were so excited that we got up extra early just to look perfect for people that could care less about how we looked. It's sad how hard you try for people that are 1. only going to use you, 2. don't even notice you exist, or 3. will forget about you right after they acknowledge you exist... I remember feeling I wanted to be wanted. I wanted the guys to notice me, and the girls to be jealous. I wanted to be that girl that everyone always stared at in envy and wanted to hang out with. I wanted to dress like everybody else...(even if it was the stupidest invention of an overpriced cheap material t-shirt that advertises "HOLLISTER" in giant letters) "Mom, I know it's expensive, but if I buy that everyone will like me! I'll make tons of friends and my life will be great, and problems ALL solved!" haha, sure Stephanie. I wasn't the brightest, or let me just use the common excuse "I didn't apply myself." There that's better. I got distracted really fast. I'd sit in class and ponder my most deepest thoughts and then wonder why my test scores were so low. I was the observer; watching everyone to see how I should look and act. I never felt pretty enough compared to all the orange, ratty haired knock off barbie dolls. Silly me, they obviously didn't feel pretty enough either if they had to do all of that to themselves in order to obtain such confidence. I didn't realize that I had nothing to be jealous of. Of course that's hard to see when your perspective on life and the world is based off of what you see in your high school, and on TV. Overall, I was clearly insecure inside. My definitions of beauty and self-confidence were highly distorted. Take that foundation and combine it with peer-pressure; bad combo. Boys. No one would admit it, but the mentality that a lot of people are living by is that the meaning of life is to find a soulmate and you're set. Whoever fed me that bologna clearly had their cards all scattered. It doesn't matter who it is, how creepy they are, how many girls they say it to, how much they really mean it; if a guy is noticing me, I MUST be special! Oh yeah, he sure likes you. And if he ends up getting in your pants, oh man this boy is madly in love with you! Of course, that's not how you'll feel after you're sitting crying to your best friend, if she even bothers to deal with you because you lost all your friends after making a guy your top priority. All it took was a few kind words, and gravity does it's magic; you fall. Thank you Taylor Swift for making my life so easy and creepily reading my mind and creating a country song about my life. Her song "15" is possibly one of the greatest songs ever written of all time. The chorus sings "Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them. And when you're fifteen feeling like there's nothing to figure out, well count to ten, take it in, this is life. Before you know who you're gonna be at fifteen." Couldn't say it better, thanks Tay! Don't be deceived. The first guy that notices you or "likes" you, doesn't mean he's the only one that ever will. Just because he's who you have right now, doesn't mean he's who you have to do everything with to be "experienced." And if you have been deceived, used, hurt, manipulated, I'm sorry girl. It's not fun to be played with like that. To think he's who you'll marry after only knowing him five months, three months, two weeks... It hurts very bad. But I'm telling you there's hope and that you can recover. I sat there with my insecurities and my longing to be desired, and battled with satan's deceitful games. He'll tell you his way is better, and that abandoning your innocence is so much more fun and that it's no big deal. Everyone's doing it. In fact, statistics show that 40% of people who start dating at 15 will have sex before they graduate. You probably know a friend, several friends, all your friends, people's friends, or maybe you... Purity isn't something that can be thrown away or taken lightly. Yeah, it happens, but it can be the most beautiful thing if it happens at the right time with the right guy. Don't settle for the first opportunity you're given. Think about it, and think wisely. Don't let yourself be used. You are in control of where your body goes and what it does. Respect yourself, even if the boy doesn't. If you've fallen in that trap before, and wish you could go back, well truth be told you can't go back and change it. But you can renew your heart, press refresh and start over. You'll always carry the memories you despise, and the deal with the decisions you make; it's what you do with that baggage that determines your fate. If you feel like it's too late for you, that you've gone too far, I'm telling you you're wrong. Everyone has value. You have value...still. So I dealt with temptation, deceit, and pain I never thought I was capable of enduring, and I'm still alive. A broken heart isn't the end of the world, even though it can feel like it. The best thing you can do for yourself is calm those hormones, and wait. Is that even possible? Yes, it is. Boys aren't the meaning of life, and they don't carry the solution to all your problems. (they're just the beginning of a whole new set of issues) Save yourself the time and energy. High school relationships aren't as cool and amazing as they appear to be.
Kudos to the girls who stick it out and rejoice to their independence!
Freshman year was my awkward year of silly crushes, stupid mistakes, and a confusing roller coater of finding my identity. Eventually, I started realizing how stupid it was to dress like everyone and blend in. I was born a bit corky, a bit odd. So, I learned to embrace it. Even though I was no longer following the majority of my peers, I was still being influenced by who I thought I could relate to and were somewhat like me. It went from being alone in a mass group of lost souls, to being one of many in a group of lost souls. The constant ambition to get noticed by unnecessary people got old, and I found a place where I felt I was accepted and liked. Although, they only liked what I showed them. I hid my faith and morals when it came to getting along and relating to them. Before I knew it, that "faith" that was once so important to me, and morals I lived by also became second hand and unimportant. If sharing my faith and living "righteous" meant losing cool points with my friends, shoot, who needs God! Fear? I have none. I was willing to go against a family who loved me, nurtured me, educated me about the world, all for the acceptance of people who barley even really cared about me. I wanted to get the full high school experience. I wanted to learn on my own. I wanted to go against what my loved ones were protecting me from, because it all paled in comparison to the satisfaction I'd receive by living how I wanted. I was lying to myself. God blessed me from the beginning, by first sacrificing His son for me, and then giving me the best possible life I could receive. But what kind of gift is death on a cross, and a good family right? That won't give me pleasure and a good time! Of course, that's not true... but it can give me medicine after my "pleasure" fades and poison kills. Oh Lord, you knew me too well to make the decision of paying for my sins long before I committed them. Ha. When your life becomes one big lie, to your friends, family, yourself and God... you're making a recipe for disaster. The best way I can describe it is charging a credit card over and over, and then getting the bill at the end of the month with no money to pay for it. So when I was left bankrupt, no friends to make me happy, nowhere to runaway, I had to get a loan. Christ equipped me with the strength, courage, endurance and love to keep going. I couldn't have done it on my own. I lost everything, except for what really mattered. I wouldn't listen to God when He told me to back out of my sinful ways, but He made me listen. And when He opened my eyes to see what a mess I'd really made for myself, I was broken. It was time to start over. Something instantly changed in me. The moment I surrendered and let down my wall, I finally felt the load on my back lifted. It's not easy to own up to your sins, and face your demons. It's the hard thing to do, but it's also the easier thing to do in the long run. I didn't choose to end my high school experience, God chose for it to end. I had a bucket of cold water thrown on me in order to wake up for my long dream/night mare. The moment I realized why I was alive, and how shallow my life was I immediately wanted to change. But just like a habit is hard to overcome, so is letting go of your old ways. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it. I started off my high school years with no clue who I was. I was knowledgeable of God's love for me, but never really experienced it to the full capacity. My identity was based off of what I saw in the world and what I thought I should be. It wasn't authentic, I wasn't real and I wasn't 100% satisfied with who I was. Now, I have an identity in Christ. It's 100% original, beautiful, and for once I feel alive. I couldn't ask for more. I pulled myself away from the high school scene because I knew it was time for me to regain strength and to find who I was. It was the best decision I ever made. The world is my temporary residence. I'm here to stand up for what I believe in and share this miraculous love that lives in my heart. Someday I'll go home, but for now I have to write you this because it's what I'm called out to do. 
My life was transformed because of Christ. I found everything I needed and more.
Sincerely,
Stephanie
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