Sunday, July 24, 2011

Seeing With Your Heart










"This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of God's people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God." 
2 Corinthians 9:12

I just got back from Camp Barnabas on the 22nd. I don't know where to begin. First off, thank You LORD for that amazing opportunity! I was definitely more prepared this year than last, but honestly no amount of preparation can fathom what your heart will encounter entering that camp. I stepped in with complete faith in God as to who I'd end up with. This year the camp incorporated many different types of campers that week. There was the chronically ill, some blind, some deaf, and some with autism and aspergers. Overall, a wide range and variety of different campers. When I found out the cabin I was with was the same one as my best friend, as well as some other good friends from Woodside, I was very thankful. The first night at camp we settled in our cabins and got to read a brief overview of all the campers that would be in our cabin. As we passed around the names, I was holding one in my hand but my attention was caught to one that was laying on the ground across from me. When hers came around I felt like there was some sort of connection already. After we looked over all of the papers, the staff laid them all on the ground and all the girls went to pick who they felt they were meant to be with. I let everyone pick before I reached over to pick the last one laying there. Not knowing who it was, I quickly thought "alright God, whoever she is I will trust in You." And behold, I read off the name of the same camper that my heart felt compelled to. Totally a God thing. Her name's Jerzy, (quite a spunky name I know) and she's nine years old with PTSD and Trichotillomania. I didn't know what to expect except that I'd have a high functioning young girl who needed a lot of love. When she arrived we automatically clicked. Within the first couple hours we were singing love story at the top of our lungs to each other in the middle of the tennis court. It was really funny. I was so thankful because I prayed for a heart of compassion and for my focus to be just on the campers, and God answered. Even when the world tried to steal my attention and I'd slip, it wasn't long before I looked into her big beautiful blue eyes and remembered why I was there. As the days went on in camp, they were tiring yet filled with excitement and energy. We had a pretty young group of girls, two of which were blind. Katie really touched all of our hearts. Although she can't see with her eyes, she can see with her heart far more than any of our working eyes can. Anastasia, Olivia's camper who has aspergers and is quite blunt, asked Katie if she liked being blind. Now, that may be a rude or thoughtless question to any of us, but Katie answered with the greatest answer; she said, "Yes. It makes life an adventure. You never know what to expect. "That wasn't the only time we got to hear from her heart. She'd witnessed to few girls in the cabin and really lived off of 1 Timothy 4:12. Each girl touched my heart in a different way. But there was nothing like being with Jerzy and feeling like it was a week that both of us enjoyed and would remember. Camp Barnabas has this holy air, is how Jordan Deane described it. You enter one person, and come out changed in a small or drastic way. There's something about being with the children who suffer from disabilities or illnesses that really opens your heart to compassion and love. The most freeing thing is when you hear these people who have experienced trauma, pain, agony, things we can't even imagine, and how they have overcame and still find a reason to smile and love life. Camp Barnabas exchanges our definition of beauty and what's "normal" and transforms it to what God sees as beautiful. 
I'm definitely Camp Barnabas Bound. 


Kreative Kids Day Camp (KKDC) ✓_
Camp Barnabas✓_
Camp Woodside__
Create Short Film__



Books!

There's nothing like getting into a really good book. I have quite a few books that I'm dying to start reading. First, there's "A Voice In The Wind" by Francine Rivers, one of my new favorite authors. Then there's "Sun Stand Still" by Steven Furtick. Lastly, there's "When God writes your love story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I may not have too much free time on my hands at the moment, but I can always make time for one of my favorite things; reading! 



Sunday, July 10, 2011

What are you afraid of?

"Weddings make me miserable."
"Why?"
"...nothing."

I love weddings. I love the whole concept of a bride and groom becoming one and entering into a beautiful life together. I love how the father passes his beloved daughter to someone he entrusts her with. I love the tears in the mother's eyes, and glow in the groom's face when he sees the bride walk down the aisle. I love that the white dress she wears represents purity and being whole.  I love that it reflects the intimate relationship we have with God. I absolutely love it all. I love it so much, that it makes me miserable waiting till the day I can experience it. 
I've gotten to a point where I no longer desire to be with anyone unless it's for good. I don't see the point in fake relationships that never last. I don't want to go by impulse and jump on the first train that tells me they love me. I want to be sure. I want to fight for love. I want to feel love. And I want to give love. Pretty much, I just want it to be real. I'm always told that it will come in the right time, blah blah blah. But I always wonder "what if....?" What if he'll never come into my life? What if I'll never be good enough? What if I miss my chance? Humans and animals have something in common. Our ability to stress was originally designed as a defense mechanism for survival. They've done studies on animals, and the only time animals stress is when they're fighting for their lives and running from their predators. Now I don't know about you but I'm not running for my life everyday. But I do know that I stress out all the time. I also know that love is something I'm constantly thinking of, and wanting it leads to stressing about it. So we humans use our ability to stress over non life threatening circumstances, when we completely don't need to. You can either stress about it and be sad about it, or just have faith God will bring it to you and be excited about it. So what do I do? I go to God. 
I take it all to Him. In fact, each time I do begin to doubt myself or ever finding true love, it only brings me closer to Him. He gives me the assurance and love I need. We're designed to love, and to receive love. I have so much love bunched up inside me that I feel sorry for whoever ends up with me. I guess I feel like it's very important that I build myself up now as a strong woman of faith, in order to be something special for whoever he is. Everything I lack, God fills up. It's like we're meant to be! (because we are.) 
So don't stress about love. If you just keep on loving Him, He'll always love you back. And before you know it, it will be you walking down that aisle. 

Sincerely,
Stephanie