What are you afraid of?

"Weddings make me miserable."

"Why?"

"...nothing."

I love weddings. I love the whole concept of a bride and groom becoming one and entering into a beautiful life together. I love how the father passes his beloved daughter to someone he entrusts her with. I love the tears in the mother's eyes, and glow in the groom's face when he sees the bride walk down the aisle. I love that the white dress she wears represents purity and being whole.  I love that it reflects the intimate relationship we have with God. I absolutely love it all. I love it so much, that it makes me miserable waiting till the day I can experience it. 

I've gotten to a point where I no longer desire to be with anyone unless it's for good. I don't see the point in fake relationships that never last. I don't want to go by impulse and jump on the first train that tells me they love me. I want to be sure. I want to fight for love. I want to feel love. And I want to give love. Pretty much, I just want it to be real. I'm always told that it will come in the right time, blah blah blah. But I always wonder "what if....?" What if he'll never come into my life? What if I'll never be good enough? What if I miss my chance? Humans and animals have something in common. Our ability to stress was originally designed as a defense mechanism for survival. They've done studies on animals, and the only time animals stress is when they're fighting for their lives and running from their predators. Now I don't know about you but I'm not running for my life everyday. But I do know that I stress out all the time. I also know that love is something I'm constantly thinking of, and wanting it leads to stressing about it. So we humans use our ability to stress over non life threatening circumstances, when we completely don't need to. You can either stress about it and be sad about it, or just have faith God will bring it to you and be excited about it. So what do I do? I go to God. 

I take it all to Him. In fact, each time I do begin to doubt myself or ever finding true love, it only brings me closer to Him. He gives me the assurance and love I need. We're designed to love, and to receive love. I have so much love bunched up inside me that I feel sorry for whoever ends up with me. I guess I feel like it's very important that I build myself up now as a strong woman of faith, in order to be something special for whoever he is. Everything I lack, God fills up. It's like we're meant to be! (because we are.) 

So don't stress about love. If you just keep on loving Him, He'll always love you back. And before you know it, it will be you walking down that aisle. 

Sincerely,

Stephanie