A Poem~

Love In Our Veins 

Written Oct. 25, 2011; to our unsettling desire for love

Alone, alone, feeling so alone 

Trying to find happiness while being on my own 

Trying to fill that desolate gap 

Only to find it was a deceiving trap 

A longing to have more

Crafted in our core 

For what is this dismay?

To throw all hope away

And so it's dubbed a curse 

Not an obstacle but worse 

Why do we feel this way

Have we no say? 

And so we carry on

When all hope is gone 

Like a bird in the sky 

Never to say goodbye 

Pretending to be blissful

While secretly being wishful 

Is it a sin to feel emotion, 

To pursue loves devotion? 

As warriors in the night 

Facing death in absence of light 

We would jump in the grave

For love to be saved 

Why such a hopeless romantic? 

So quick to be frantic 

Do I not possess enough?

To please the seller of love 

In the depths of my despair 

Alone, yet You were there 

To tell me I was wrong

To sing me loves Sweeter Song 

Love was an overflow 

This love I always longed to know 

Had been there all along 

While my resistance was so strong 

My walls on the floor 

Freely I gasp for more 

So thankful for Your adoration 

My one incredible inspiration 

Love made by the Creator 

An enthralling tale written by Our savior 

Name engraved in His hands

Blood shed for all man

That is love a lover must give

That is life a human must live

Heart filled at an overflow 

Yet abundant room for more love to grow 

Sincerely,

Stephanie

in·di·vid·u·al·i·ty

Individuality. What is it? 

in·di·vid·u·al·i·ty

noun, plural -ties.

1.

The particular character, or aggregate of qualities, that distinguishes one person or thing from       others; sole and personal nature: a person of marked individuality.

Hmm. So pretty much it means being nothing but yourself. Interesting concept considering our society's conforming pattern. There was a time when I used to dress, talk, act and think like everybody else because it made me feel like I "fit in" or belonged. In all honesty, I didn't know much better. How could I be myself not even knowing who myself is? We begin to believe that what we're attempting to be is actually who we are. That the music on the radio is really what we enjoy, not taking into consideration why we like it or what it even is. We wear clothes regardless if we truly like them thinking we do because they think they do. And so it's a cycle amongst our peers crafted by media and not-so-great role models inventing our generation of adolescents. That being said, it's pretty much like our lives our being controlled really. By choosing their ways, or what we tell ourselves is ours, we are ultimately becoming slaves to their rules of whats and hows. It's kind of like a disease or an infection. It spreads to everyone until we're all a bunch of confused humans coughing out our petty excuses of why we don't dare to be different. At some point I became too sick. The infection was taking over my heart and soul until the name on my credit card became just a number. No more Stephanie. I was now 1550797707. A statistic. And as I charged my credit card and wasted more of my identity to purchase more of my conformity, I became utterly ill. Until I hit bankruptcy, loosing all of me, I needed to get a loan. With nothing left, I found everything I ever needed in someone besides the world. At the peek of my mastery of becoming what they wanted me to be, He offered me a different rout. It was a dark and narrow path my GPS system never showed me. I had a choice between two worlds. I was bruised and weak from being completely overtaken by my illness that I had nothing to lose anymore by choosing the less appealing path. After all, what had they done for me besides take who I was away from myself. And so I walked towards the narrow road of mystery and possibility. It was a new feeling. Even though it wasn't what I was used to, I felt this warm and freeing stir of emotions I'd never once encountered in my entire walk of life. All of the sudden things that once were so important became minuscule and pointless. It was time. The beginning of a quest to find my identity through the One who gave me an identity to begin with. I didn't know who I was in an instance. Before becoming an individual, you have to do a major detox. Remove all the old ways of thinking and clutter, to make room for a whole new world. I had no idea what I was getting myself into walking down that unfamiliar yet extremely familiar path. I had no clue of everything that was in store for me down that road. After my spiritual shower, I was cleansed and ready for a new beginning. A new me. As I grew closer to Christ, I found out more about myself; things I never knew. I learned about interests I never knew I had. I learned about style that reflected my inner-self and creativity rather than what's common in the public eye.  But most importantly, I discovered the strengths and passions that were crafted in my being for a specific purpose. I would have never even tapped an inch of all that I've found had I kept walking through the crowded streets of despair. All I ever wanted was to belong. What I got instead, was an eternal place that I not only belong to, but was made for. I gained truth of who I am through the truth of who He is. Before my turning point, they were  in control and I was just a follower. Now, I'm still a follower, but I follow a greater cause bedsides myself. A follower that leads and an individual that thrives on being nothing but myself. That's individuality. 

Standing up against the tide, and choosing to be the one you were 

created to be. 

Sincerely,

Stephanie

In Love

I'd like take a moment to share my heart with y'all. I'm in love! Isn't it crazy? I know it's so amazing and it came to me out of nowhere. I mean they've been there all along, I just wasn't ever paying attention. I'd spent so much time and effort pleasing all these phonies, when I only had ONE I needed to please all along...Regardless, all my wasted time only reminds me even more how thankful I am for them now. He's everything I need, and better than anything I've ever dreamt of. He understands me, and unlike everyone else He actually sticks by me no matter what. He's honest and loving and magnificent. He's been there for me since day one, and even before that. He listens to me when I call Him. He loves me when I need it most. He picks me up when I fall flat on my face. He wipes away my tears and gives me hope. And you want to know the best part of it all? I get to spend eternity with Him! He loved me so much that He died for me, and now He lives in my heart till the day I'll see Him face to face. Yes, I'm in love. It may not have been what you expected, but it sure wasn't what I expected either...it's better. 


Sincerely,
Stephanie

Sincerely, Me

Search No More

Written September 23, 2011; For those who seek but have not yet found

Once upon a time, I cared what you thought

I transformed into a mold of everything I'm not 

I'd try to fit it, when I was meant to stand out 

Any confidence I had turned into self-doubt 

I was just like you, I understand human pain 

I wondered too what I was supposed to gain 

I played all my cards 

Pushed all my luck

And when times got hard 

I felt completely stuck 

I'd look in a mirror 

Find all the flaws 

Trying to find who to blame 

Claiming God to be the cause 

I grew angry and weak 

Frail and meek

I ran to anything that could sooth the pain 

It didn't last long till I grew insane 

I thought I was running to a better solution 

But instead I was running from the only conclusion 

Why would I believe in something I can't see?

Until my eyes were opened, I too could not believe 

What once was a myth became the only possibility 

Once a theory, now a reality 

I promise I'm not delusional 

Or completely lost my mind 

I'm simply sharing what I've found 

And what you're trying to find 

And when you start to judge 

I will never budge 

I've tasted the truth

And there's no turning back 

I will spread the good news 

I'm on the right track 

Dear stranger I wish you the best 

I hope you find what you're looking for 

As for me I will rest 

And know I have to search no more

Sincerely,

Stephanie