Bittersweet

Pause. When life is moving fast and moments pass, we barely take a moment to stop and embrace what we just lived. I long for a great future, to be used for the Lord, to find love someday, to become a strong and inspiring woman. I have dreams and have left room for the uncertain. I often am always looking ahead of time, and occasionally stopping to look into the present, to really soak it in. Sometimes, it's painful to look back into the past. There's things we were more than happy to say goodbye to, or maybe didn't want to say goodbye to. There's feelings we've tried to burry underneath the layers of time and new horizons. Sometimes, all we want to do is look forward and forget where we came from and how we got there. The hard things we go through stick more than the good. But on those occasions where my happy side overrides my pessimist side, I look back because I want the good to live on. It's like going through an old album. Moments that were captured to bring back the smile that once was. I tell myself to disregard where that person or place may be now, in order to remember just what was in that exact time. The smiles, the laughter, the hugs, the kisses, the dreams, and the unforgettable memories. We can either choose to ache that they're not here anymore, or be thankful that they ever were. Because it's the sweet collection of all the bittersweet moments that led you right here. I wouldn't change who I am now, or where I am. I mean that whole heartedly. I don't want to re-live what was. I just want to remember it, smile, and continue to make more of those moments. 
Your happiness depends on how you choose to look at what was, what is, and what it will become.
Sincerely,
Stephanie 

One man's trash is another's treasure...

There's two kinds of people in this world; men and women. 
Ladies, this one's for you. 
We're a very distinct breed. Different interests, tastes, aspirations, dreams... but we all have one thing in common. Every one of us longs to be loved and desired. (I know, Steph, I've heard this a magillion times!) Hang on girl, don't be so quick to being cynical. It's apart of our nature and who are we to try and deny it? Lately, I've been noticing the heartbreaking enormity of girls completely fallen in "the trap." 


th·e t·ra·p [the-trap]
noun, singular 
      1. A deceiving and dangerous state of being where one has fallen for a lie that a person (or the world) has told  them and a false truth becomes their reality. 


Woah! Sound familiar? Almost all of us have fallen, or are falling, for it in some way, shape or form. 
Websters may not have it in their book, but in the metaphorical book called "The Human Girl" we're fairly familiar with the term. What does it look like? Good question. 


Image. 
From wee toddlers sitting in our 'rents laps, innocently observing the television, we find ourselves introduced to the world  of media beauty. "Beautiful, gorgeous, hot etc." are all subliminal messages hidden behind the advertisements and movies. The least harmful program or commercial was actually doing some more serious harm down the road. The moment our eyes connected what beautiful is to the world with our minds the image was forever implanted. It wasn't an instant poison to death, but the kind that slowly kills the little self-confidence we have. You can't run away from it, it's just how this world is. And so, we carry on growing up. As tweens we're immediately hypnotized by the pop-star world and each fall in love with a cheesy sitcom. Nothing wrong right? Think again. The poorly structured storyline and ridiculously lame dialogues aren't what keep us wanting more. No. It's the pretty faces and trendy clothes that have us hooked. If Hannah Montana had looked like Whoopi Goldberg, would we have idolized her so much? The real false reality in those shows is NO ONE LOOKS LIKE THAT EVERYDAY! When we try so hard to mock, or imitate our fave icon, we say "why can't my life be as fun and exciting as hers? Why can't I look like that?! She always gets the cute guys. Why can't my hair look that perfect?" Girl. Stop that! 1. They have a script that some dude wrote for them! Of course that boy has such a big heart and knows all the words to say, it's most likely a GIRL wrote his lines! 2. They have makeup artists and hairstylist aka their own salon at their fingertips! 3. That's not reality. It's realilies. (re-a-la-lies) Don't make that the example of how your life should look. We both know our problems go much deeper and can't be solved in 20 minutes. (not including all the commercials) The TV, magazines, movies, etc. are screaming at the top of their lungs "THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!" And after repeatedly being exposed to this cruelty it magically, carefully, un-noticably became reality. Just like that, we lost sight of truth before we could see at all. 

Boys. 
Maybe you're not obsessed, maybe your hormones haven't kicked in, or maybe you just have other things on your mind...but I guarantee at some point, before, now or in the future, you will want one. My friends know me to be one that hates chick flicks. "Gosh Steph, you're just totally not normal and clearly not connected with your feminine side." Pshh, as if. I drool over those things! It's so hard not to be completely infatuated with the stories, the guys, and the "happily ever afters!" And then we girls see the guys portrayed in the movies, and BAM! Our definition for beautiful male has been created. From Prince Charming to Noah from the Notebook, we all have a dream dude. It's been said that chick flicks are like porn for girls, and I completely agree. Where does your mind go when you watch them? It's surely not a healthy place to be. In fact, it's dangerous to toy with desire and longing...especially when it's someone who isn't even real. Not to mention, drooling over a guy is totally a double standard us girls don't usually take into account. They can't call girls hot, but we can call guys hot? Another blog, for another time... back to topic. These movies and songs only add to the natural passion and longing us girls already have designed within us. The problem is, they lead us to longing for the wrong kind of love. So many girls will try and take bits and pieces of their favorites songs and films and do everything they can to make their life a story worth telling...a dream come true, a happy ending. Chasing after their dream tale, by chasing after a boy. 

ch·a·sing [chey-sing] 

noun

3.

to follow or devote one's attention to with the hope of attracting, winning, gaining, etc.: He chased her for three years before she consented to marry him.

Or in other terms; text, call, text, text, anonymous status that's obviously about you,  text, song lyrics that are about you, text, voicemail, email?, text, WHY WON'T HE TEXT ME BACK?!?! Text. I give up....text...are you ignoring me? Text. "Oh hey, I was in the bathroom." Text. It's okay!!! :) :) :) What's up?!...no reply...text. Hello? 

Yeah. You know what I'm talking about. See, if you're a girl who's been in a relationship or whatever you consider a relationship, you know the pains of not being in that relationship anymore. It's tough. If you're a girl who's been insecure, lonely, frustrated with self-worth, confidence, image and attention, than you're easily prone to fall in the boy trap. The first boy that comes along and tells you you're beautiful can have the power to steal so much more than your heart...we lose dignity, hope, friends, time, worth and our bodies to boys that took a young girl's dream as an invitation into their pants. But you may be a girl who's wounds are deeper than that of which are on the outside. Abused physically, emotionally and mentally. And while a bandaid can cover a scar, it's no telling what pain lies beneath the fabrics. Maybe it was your father, a boy in class, your boyfriend, the guy you lost your virginity to, the one who broke your heart... at some point we're all exposed to some form of male cruelty. Not saying all men are these evil beings, but that this world is taken by evil and Satan will use what we're prone to most to destroy who we are by telling us what we're not. Lies. Tattooed on our flesh are words we can't run from. We remember the bad, and disregard the good. Because how can 50 people telling me I'm beautiful, block out that one person that called me ugly? What is it? What am I? WHEN DOES IT ALL COME TO A HAULT?! I just want to be loved. I want these stupid memories to be erased. I want to feel whole. I want someone to say "Hey, _______ you are the most beautiful girl in the ENTIRE WORLD and no matter what you've heard or done I love you and every inch of you. I want to be your forever and I'll never ever leave you. I'm yours and you are mine. " (I should be a screenwriter for chick flicks--sarcasm) But seriously. We say, "I'm afraid of love now. I'm crippled with fear of this world and anyone that can harm me more than I've already been hurt in the past. There is no hope." Can you resonate at all with this? If so, keep reading. 

Truth. 

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.
1 John 4:18-19

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
1 John 4:7

You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.
Song of Songs 4:7

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8

"Why am I like this?" It's not a curse, but a blessing. You, girl, are perfect. 

per·fect

  [adj., n. pur-fikt; v. per-fekt] 

adjective

4.

entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings: aperfect apple; the perfect crime.

5.

accurate, exact, or correct in every detail:

In His eyes. "Okay, okay. Cool story bro. I hear it all the time! I'm beautiful and perfect to God, but I know all this, why don't I feel it?" Because. A long time ago and angel fell. And in his craftiness he promised to ruin your chances of being happy. He would do anything, and he did, to make you fall for the lie long before you had the discretion to do otherwise. He fed you lies and used situations and people to convince you you are not beautiful and you are not loved. Why does he want to do this? Because if we don't believe the lies, then we believe the truth. And while it may sound awful and scary and hopeless, something else remarkable happened a while back. Remember God? Yeah well, He sent His son to literally die, feel human pain, sorrow, rejection, humiliation...so that we can be saved. He knows the suffering in our hearts as well as in the flesh. He's been here and been tested just like we have. But the beauty in grace is that it makes life not fair. We didn't deserve Him from the start. But He loved us so much that He saved each of us and since has been trying to win our hearts over again. My challenge is this. I can tell you you're beautiful, quote scripture and talk about it all day. But it's you that will either choose, or not choose, to believe the truth for once. 

tr·u·th [tr-u-th]

noun

You, yes you, ARE beautiful. And you're loved by the one that really matters. 

Will you choose to believe it? Because once you truly ask God to relieve you of the baggage of this world, the feelings will follow. He'll make you new. He'll make you true, He'll make you YOU.

Sincerely,

Stephanie