Loving Life

Life is so beautiful, when you let it be. When you enjoy each breath, each moment, each memory. When time slips by and you miss the past, you have to remember the memories you made last. I am really enjoying life right now. Things turn around when you pray for them too. God can really bless us when we leave everything up to His will. I'm blessed with a family that truly cares and loves me. I'm secure, and so thankful for where I've been placed in my life. I have friends I wouldn't trade for the world. As many friends have faded, the true one's have lasted. I've taken each day and just being thankful for it. I don't deserve any of this. To be content with myself, and who I've become, is a battle I plan to conquer till the end of time. Time in itself is a mysterious virtue, that holds us accountable for using it wisely. We're only given a certain amount. We all have expiration dates, and eventually this heart will take it's last beat. We don't think about it a lot, but there is an end, and we all will meet it. I'm far from perfect, and I'm beginning to understand that that's part of being human. Human. Such a broad word for such a wide variety of people out there. We're all human. And right now, I love being human.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

Person Of Many Titles

They call me girl, they call me kid, they call me young, they call me child. They call me weird, they call me dumb, they call me lame, they call me wild. They call me a joke, a freak, deranged and dismayed.  They call me loner, despicable, ugly and afraid. They call me worthless, impure, filthy and ashamed. They call me loser arrogant, unimportant and a disgrace. To them I am nothing but a waste of matter and time. To Him I am beautiful and worth the fight. He calls me daughter, princess, perfect and friend. He calls me sweetheart, amazing and loves me till the end. He calls me forgiven, renewed, a masterpiece and important. He loved me enough then to die, now to live and fight, and till the end when we reunite. 

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13 

Growing Up Is A Mystery

It's amazing how much you can learn from a four year old. I've always loved kids, and being around them. I'm still somewhat of a kid. Three of my favorite kids to babysit of all time, are Autumn, Caden and Maddy Hines. They always give me so much joy every time I watch over them. Today, I had an hour long conversation with four year old Maddy about the existence of Jesus, and the difference between real and fake. I listened as this precious girl rant on about her favorite princesses, and how much she loved Jesus. So young, but she knows what's up. I listened to all their pointless stories, and creative ideas. I wished so badly I could go back in time, and think as simply as they do. I wish I didn't have to grow up. It was so nice to to not know what heartbreak felt like, or the cruelty out in the world. Maddy calls all the evil in the world, "The Bad Guys." And well, I wish I never knew the bad guys. As I look at their faces, and listened to them laugh and play, I realized someday they'll grow up. The world they will someday occupy will be worse than the one we currently dwell in. They won't stay cute and innocent forever. But I guess, it's neat to see how far I've come from the good ol' days. From the days of Barney and playing dress up. Growing up is an important part of life. We have to go through all the stages in order to become who we are meant to be. We were specifically and carefully designed to slowly obtain knowledge and understanding of how the world works. In Ephesians 3:16-19, it discusses the mysteries of God's plan. "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Life is a mystery, that we will never understand. No matter how much you lay down the facts, and try to find answers, there will always be mysteries. That's the beauty of faith. If we could know everything, and why things are, and that God really is real, then we would have no faith left to prove. This idea is expressed in a song by JJ Heller, called "Invisible Love." It's a life worth living. Through each year, each stage and each challenge, it's all worth it. Someday all will be known when we go home. 

Read Ephesians 3

Playing With Fire

Imagine walking down a path. There's nothing but you, a narrow path and a box of matches. Now, with each step you are given the option to light a match and place it behind you. The path before you is clear, and behind you are all he matches you lit. Now, as you go on it becomes easier and easier to light the matches. Soon enough, that path hits a dead end. You're left with nothing but a burning fire in front of you. But as you feel destined for death, you hear crashes of waves rushing down the path towards you. Ashes lay before you, and a moist brick pathway. A light shines in the distance. You were saved. Each match represents sin. Every time we take part in the worlds game, we are lighting matches for our fate. The fire burns in hell, and we avoid even thinking about it at all costs. With our ignorance, and carelessness, we gamble with God, and expect a full refund when we "feel" like it. But what if that water didn't come to save you? What if you had no choice but to face the path you created for yourself? What if you were killed in a car accident, or faced sudden death? What then? You can't play with fire, and not expect to get burned. We often overlook the mysterious and marvelous mind of our creator. You can't out do him. I always say, you can't beat the system. It's a dangerous game, and we all take part of it. And while our flesh embraces the world, and soaks in it's earthly desires, while it eats away our conscience, and destroys our hearts, we no longer see the future we will someday inherit due to our decisions. I see that now. I see it everywhere. I see how I've tried to do it, and how people continue to. They're good with words, and find every excuse to why it's okay for them to go against the greater good. They are too lost in their being to realize how much of their minds is deteriorating and being wasted. I'm aware now. I guess it's part of our imperfect humanity. But as much as I am not perfect and lack understanding, I know one thing for sure. This life isn't just about waking up, making money, finding love, and someday dying. It's about living, creating, helping, loving and saving the lost ones. I wish I they could see the love God has, and take part in the amazing life He offers. I wish they could look past all the stereotypes, and let go of their chains to the earth. I wish they could see how their lives would be if they let Him open their eyes, and set their hearts free. I wish I could help save all of them. I may look crazy to them, but they'd understand if they experienced it. If they knew what is beyond this life, and all they've known. But even the knowing can lose themselves. Even the saved, can fall in to danger. The devil is an intricate subsistence. He can reel in the strongest and most aware of us all. Which is why my guard is always up. The war doesn't end once you are saved, it's just begun. We must not fall for the tricks. Trick or treat, only means trick and trap with him. Be wise, be aware and be strong. Always. 


The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.
Revelation 22:21

Seek Him Through All Things

I ask my dear Father, to please continue to use me each and every day, as a tool for His light to shine through me. I can't describe how amazing and life changing it is when allowing the Holy Spirit to take lead of your life, and the remarkable things He does for those who seek Him out in all things. I no longer live for acceptance of the shallow, empty hearted. I have a whole new outlook on life, all thanks to Him. Life will never be easy, no. It will always come with struggles, uncertainty and obstacles. But as we go about our days and face life's insufficient ways, the Lord is a threshold to new beginnings, hope and strength. This past Summer, was a huge turning point in my life. I always have known that God has a big plan for me, but I was never willing to give up what I had to, in order to fulfill that plan. So when I was caught up in the world more than ever, He intervened, and rescued my heart from being sold to the world. And from there, I checked into spiritual rehab, and regained my heart, and strengthened my faith. It's been four months since my realization, and I stand before you a new person of Christ. I no longer care about the persecution that I'll face for my faith, and I am proud, and thankful at how far I've come. I want more than anything to lead by example, and to give hope to girls just like me, who thought there was no way out, or key to unlock the chains binding them to the ground. This fire in me can't be put out, by even the largest of oceans. I will die for what I believe, and live with faith. I've learned so much, and continue to intake the abundant loads of lessons in my reach. If you feel lost or alone, like there's something more, let me tell you, there is. As humans we can only see so much, and our minds can't comprehend what bigger plans God can have for us. Once you let go out those chains, you go on your knees, and ask for redemption, you are opening a door to the greatest of things. We must not be stubborn, but humble and wise when walking in our faith. I am a warrior, He is my strength. Amen. 


(This is part of one of my favorite songs)
Nicole Sponberg- Resurrection 
When all my efforts seem like chasing wind
I've used up all my strength and there's nothing left to give
I've lost the feeling and I'm down to the core
I can't fake it anymore.

Here I am at the end I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again



Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5

From Broken to Beautiful

Have you ever felt resilient to anything and everything? Like you can conquer any battle life throws at you,  like nothing can get in your way? But then, all it takes is one word, one song, one forgotten memory to trigger the utmost tear destroying the healing taken place. It hurts really bad. It cuts like knife, and stings like a Bee. I wish I could say that there was a cure for it completely. But I've found we will always live with our mistakes, and face the consequences long after they're just a memory. It can't be taken away, but it can be dealt with, and used for greater goods. Christ can heal, he can save you, he can pick you up when you fall. He can use your brokenness and create remarkable outcomes. He will fill you with joy, and give you hope that you can't find anywhere else. We often run to all the wrong sources to fill that empty gap. We ingest poison, thinking it's a sweet apple, and we die away a slow painful death. The memories haunt our lives, and make it so hard to move forward, and let go. It will follow you, always. But it's up to you, whether to give in and surrender to your loss, and sadness. Or stand strong and continue to brush it off. Don't let the devil succeed, in his tricky ways. I've been in the place of a naive soul, and lacked understanding of the damage that can be done with flirting with the world. In that state of mind, I experienced pain, regret, fear and hopelessness. But I was rescued, by my Savior. Now, I stand stronger, with so much passion to withhold from that path. Yet, it kills me to see girls and boys just like me, at a different stage. The one before the consequences. The one where they think they're happy, and have it all. I hate it because I know the future that they posses, when walking down that line. Only one can save them. That boy will not always be guaranteed to love you. He will someday have his arms around another girl. Use the same tricks he did on you. That boy will not take into account what he's stole from you, or even consider the damage he's done. That boy will not remember your innocence, or value, but remember what he gained, and you lost. Don't look for remorse in the lost ones. Don't look for a sign of pity, or an open door. He wont wait for you. He doesn't care about you like you think. He's just really confused, and empty, and doesn't know better. Don't think you're that one in a million, that will end up like that cheesy movie. This is life. It's a cruel, hateful, nasty world. Sin made it this way, and keeps it this way.
There are imitations of good, and there is the small percentage of genuine good. Be wise, and don't settle for the fake stuff. While you cry remembering what you miss, and lost. That boy is is hunting down his prey, which will become his next victim. Don't hate him though. I often want to reflect my anger with words, and actions, but I find that the most peace comes with God, in his mysterious ways of healing the little cracks we forgot existed.  We have to live, and love like him. The best revenge, is simply moving on. Rather than hating those who have caused pain in our lives, we must love, and forgive them. By forgiving, you must do all in your will, to forget. The same goes for boys. She may have hurt you, but you must not dwell on regrets and fears. You'l miss out on the real good that lay in your path. We are all beautiful and deserve so much more than we think. He loves unconditionally, they love temporarily, when it's in convenience.


He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. 
Psalm 147:3

Oh, Brother

I used to wish I had sisters like no other. I'm the youngest of three, and also the only girl. You know what that makes me? The baby girl. And as much as that may seem sweet, it comes with its downs. Well, I used to consider them downsides, now I see them as blessings. It's not always fun to have two bodyguards watching out for you 24/7, but they actually have good intensions. They're not so bad. My brothers have become two of my best friends, and I adore them. Their protection is for my well being, and I'm thankful. But besides being hawks, they can be tons of fun, and pretty cool guys. Honestly, I learn so much from the both of them, and I know God put me in my family for reason. I wouldn't trade them for the world. After all, at least I have sibling that take in account my existence. They are sources of inspiration, and guidance. They love me like crazy, and it shows when they look out for me. It's a beautiful thing to have close bonds with your family members. I encourage it. To remember they're not some annoying people who share your DNA, but gifts from God to love and grow with each other. Even when we don't get along, our love is permanent, and will never change, nor fade. I know what I have, and I love it. Now that I'm getting older, we have more in common, and they have been there with me literally since day one. I love you guys.

A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
Proverbs 17:17 
You were cleansed from your sins when you obeyed the truth, so now you must show sincere love to each other as brothers and sisters. Love each deeply with all your heart.
1 Peter 1:22 

Role Models

This imperfect, messed up, uncertain world, can really stress a person out. It's always hard to see people you love hurting, or going down a wrong path. I used to really look up to a lot of people. But in time, life brought with it some shocking realities, and left me very disappointed. But I guess that's just what comes with being human. The only thing, or person I can really look up to as a role model is Jesus himself. I've been told that I'm somewhat of a role model, and am looked up to be some. But honestly, I'm so imperfect, and I mess up so much. I wouldn't want someone to completely trust that I can be set on such high standards. I'm only human. I want to believe that I can be as good as Jesus was, but I know I can't. And just like that, I can't trust in others to be my guidance. They can help, but shouldn't be my only source of learning.


For the LORD gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice, and He preserves the way of His godly ones. Then you will discern righteousness and justice and equity and every good course.
Proverbs 2:6-9
You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
Psalm 73:24
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach.
James 1:5

Never Cease to Exist

I consider myself somewhat of a deep person. Even though I can be a silly, fun-loving girl, I get really serious at times. I think  I just see things really differently. I'm very observant, and find every opportunity to make moments last forever. I always write. Always. If you really wanted to unlock my mind, and understand me, you'd have to read my journal. But even then, I don't think you'd really be able to see how I see things. My journal holds many of my inner thoughts, and ambitions. My dreams, hopes, struggles and my messages to the world. I feel as though God speaks through me at times. My mind has yet to completely develop, and much knowledge to soak in, but  some things come easy for me to understand. Some difficult. I get so much joy from being able to be used by God to deliver peace to peoples hearts, when they need ears to listen or a sign of guidance. Once again, no glory goes to my name. All to the creator. If I were to die today, I'd tell you to go to my journal, and the mission starts from there. Even when I'm gone, I want to be used by my Savior as a messenger. They all want the great news, they need it. Nothing can hold me back from giving it to them. For now, I have one soul in particular that God has called me to bring forth the good news. He has all the answers. I'm just a messenger. I'm a dreamer. I'm a life seeker. My faith is what keeps me alive, and going. I find no reason to live, besides the fact that I have to live, to have lived, to learn, to love, to someday really live, where I really belong. This is my temporary home, but I've made my reservations in the kingdom to come. But we must not live good, to receive rewards from our Father, but live good simply because living good is a lost cause in society. It will continue to be a forgotten way of living. We can't let this world kill all the good, and beautiful things in humanity. We must be strong, and fight like warriors. I was saved by Grace, in my Father's Garden. 

Remember the mission, not what was lost along the way. 

Chapter 2: Letters to God 

Appreciating The Arts

Seabear

I've always loved art, but never really realized how many different forms of art there is. I'm starting to really open my eyes more often, to see what art catches my attention. 
Music is one of my favorites. I can't just pick one genre. From Indie, to rock, to alternative, to screamo, my ears will enjoy almost any rythmically moving music. My most recent favorite is Seabear, an indie-folk band from Iceland. They are awesome! Really chill music. I've always adored the way music can tell a story, and find words we sometimes can't. I prefer stuff that forces imagination, and helps escape this dreary world at times. I stay away from as much love music as I can. It's usually really depressing. TheVisual Arts are always a treat. Any form of art requires ideas, and usually talent. I wish I could play a guitar, or the piano, but that's just not what my good God decided to make me good at. Instead, all you need to do is give me a pencil and paper, and I'll pour my heart out on it. I love remaking what I see, in a 2D image.
 I also have friends who are really talented, and I always love seeing what they make. It's nice to surround yourself with people who have big imaginations, and don't let their creativity die. Another favorite is Writing. I love to write, and I could do it for hours and hours (just like I can talk for hours). I usually write to just express what I'm feeling or thinking, and it really helps when I just want to vent. I'd love to write a book someday. Something I usually do is, "Letters to God." It's my way of praying to God. I have a hard time grabbing all my thoughts, and concentrating. It's a really good way to have a relationship with him, and really feel like he's more than just a far away ruler, but a a best friend who lay close to your heart. Wherever you find art, make sure to take the time to appreciate it, and enjoy it.