Angst

Life is cruel. People are as trustworthy as penguins. I have no idea what that means, but it's supposed to mean they are very unreliable. The moment I reach mere happiness, I'm set back to complete unhappiness. I've realized that I can never find happiness in people. They can temporarily give me some endorphins for a smile, but my heart's hunger for joy will never be satisfied with these blood-suckers. I often runaway in my mind to a place where no one exists. No one to impress. No one to hurt, or get hurt by. No one to get over. No one to watch, or be watched by. No one to criticize, or judge. No one to love, and no one to hate. Absolutely no one. And although I frequently visit this other realm, it's also a very lonely place. And as I sat there in my loneliness, I asked myself, if I could have one person on this entire earth there to keep me company, who would it be? I couldn't even find one person. This is all because of my realization that I don't need anyone to be content. These days, I walk through the stages of adolescence, and observe all my peers. The theme in this modern age of teenage years is "finding love." To be honest, it makes me sick. We can't help it, but when you actually try to help it, everyone just looks silly. All these teens "falling in love" and just so desperate to be noticed, and loved. Boys after girls, girls after boys. I mean how many heartbreaks does it take to learn love doesn't only come with repeated trial and failure? It's possible to find your future husband through dating 50 men, but seriously? Each person we give a piece of our heart to, and trust, is just an open door for complete disaster. Trust issues, temptations, heart-ache and many other things must be taken into account of the consequences of being quick to fall for someone. I mean come on people! Real love comes on its own, without us hunting it down like hungry pigeons for bread. I am totally positive that someday, if it's in His will, God will bring me the right man. I have to keep my word, and stay faithful to that. As I do so, everyone doing their own thing just looks like a joke to me. I get impatient, and want to press fast forward, but I know that I'm not ready for such a commitment. I have to enjoy life on my own, before I can dedicate the rest of it to share with someone else. I want to escape so badly lately. I want to go somewhere else in the world. To see something extraordinary. I want to escape from this unpromising scenery, where money is what we live for, love means sex, drugs mean happiness and people are all objects for our own benefits. Unfortunately, we live in a world of sin, and it will be like that till He comes back for us. Till then, my angst is something I have to defeat, and somehow I'll find the good in this world. As much as I've wanted to abandon this life, I know there's more to it than the surface we see everyday. Keep on living, and watch joy enter when staying faithful to the Lord, and all His promises. 

But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:37-39