Fuel

Greetings. 

First post of the year! 

"Hey, Stephanie. I have a question. What am I supposed to do with leftover heart-ache and pain?" 

Valid question, my friend. Here's the thing; I will never gussy up a lie and make it look like the truth. I will say it how it is, for what it is. You're a human. Humans are very significant and intelligent beings with phonemail qualities. But we're also pretty pathetic and naive sometimes. We're contradictions. I'm not trying to bash what you are or anything, because remember I'm human too. If I've learned anything in these adolescent years so far, it's that you have to push through. The greatest thing you can do for yourself is to be real with yourself. By throwing out the line, "I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay..." over and over it loses it's meaning and you use it as an automatic response when your defenses kick in. But really, are you okay? I used to pretend that I was just dandy. I didn't want anyone to see my insecurities and fears. But living like that is like living in a battle between yourself. Some things can go away completely. Some scars do heal. Unfortunately, most of the time they don't heal completely. And while you feel fresh and new one day, what will you do in a week when you look down and see the remnants of a once deep and painful scar? If you can't completely get rid of it, how can you prevent ever feeling this way again? You have two options: 1. Surrender and throw yourself a pity party. Cry about that guy/girl you lost, dream that died, friend that betrayed, words that stung. That's the easy way out, yet it's completely not easy at all. Or you can do option 2. Use it as fuel. It took me a long long time to get good at this, and I'm still working at it. Whenever the past would creep up and try to bite me, instead of running away from it, or blocking it out by replacing it with another pathetic temporary solution, I would face it head on. Back to being human. Honestly, without the Lord I could never have been able to be strong enough to tackle it. Each time I got that icky feeling in my heart, I took it and made something out of it. I used my pain as fuel to become resilient. Before you know it, you get stronger each time to face each battle the day throws at you. There is hope. God is the only real solution, but the best solution doesn't always mean you'll never be faced with struggles again. In fact, a lot of times it's past demons that will try and eat you up long after you thought you've happily moved on. You have to be aware, take precautions, but also enjoy life and don't be afraid to deal with what may seem unbearable. He can help you. Don't let your pain go to waste. Use it as fuel. 

Sincerely,

Stephanie