Tears of Love

"There are days when one feels no love. When your efforts have been put to waste, and all that's left is a bitter taste. When all of them have gone astray, You my Father guide the way. I hate to say I only come when in need, but that's just apart of my human greed. I seek out the wrong, and pretend to be strong. I fake out a smile, and wait a while. They have failed me, and I have failed myself. I wanted to shine, but I shadowed instead, the scene plays over when I lay in my bed. This ache and pain, so real and deep, haunts my dreams so I can't sleep. I've wore out this welcome, and my name is now known. I sit in my presence, I'm with them, yet I'm all alone. My voice is silent, but my soul is screaming. I'm living life, when I want to be dreaming. I've clouded the view of a long time ago, and made sure that no one would know. I've loved and lost, and paid the cost. Death is inviting, as life is enlightening, the battle to live is what we're constantly fighting. Why did he leave us all behind? These are the answers I'm trying to find. I'm broken and sad, and this is kind of a cliche story, but somehow my Father, you will receive all the glory. Until Your plan has taken place, I will move forward and wipe the tears off my face. I pray that this burden will soon go away, so I can stand tall and face the day. You make me strong and I have no doubt, these are the reasons I praise and shout. Amen."- November 8, 2010 


That was my prayer about the burden I carried. I needed to be waken up from this nightmare of constant pain and doubt. I sealed shut my emotions, and thought that by doing so they had evaporated. You may be able to fool them into thinking you're okay, but God see's right through your plastered smile. At the Thirsty Retreat this year, we were given the opportunity to pour out our sins and burdens in the form of a water bottle, at the foot of the cross. I had never felt so broken and in need of inner peace. I was screaming in my soul, begging for the feeling of freedom, and the weight being lifted off of me. I'm not ashamed anymore of crying, for crying reflects true emotion. And as we poured the water out of those bottles, I let go of my guilt, and shame. As much as the water represented what God was doing in releasing me of my sins, it was the tears that made me feel like I had been cleansed. The tears that had built up from anger, sadness, turmoil, fear, it was time to let go of all of them. It never felt so good to cry. With two of my sisters holding me tightly, a Savior answering my prayer right in front of me, and two hundred other souls all around me that had all come together for this one moment, I realized God knew what He was doing when He let me go through everything. This release we hunger for, this love that we strive for, this forgiveness we can't find anywhere else. That's why this is amazing, and great things are happening in the hearts of adolescents all over. I know I'm here to contribute to the Kingdom, and I will do so till the end. My fellow friends, family, and random strangers, you too can be set free, and understand this indescribable feeling. All you have to do is believe. I am willing to be wild. I am willing to be whatever He wants me to be <3 Won't you too? 


The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18